Chapter 5: Khasi connections

                                                 View in Shillong from our resort Ri Kynjai, 2017

In a previous chapter I have said that Nelsie Kharshiing’s first husband was a Khasi. We also know that her mother, was a Khasi, which means that it is likely her father Harry Daniel Rossiter had spent some time in Shillong.

When I was younger, I was told that I looked like Nelsie, and I was certainly able to see some of myself in my Khasi family when we met, in particular in Julie. As a child I was told that a Khasi was Indian, and to an extent this is true as they are based in Northeast India, but their society is very different, even with modern influences.

                                           Here you can see Nelsie, with two of her daughters and Jimmy

                                     Taken in Shillong, 2017, with Jean standing to my left and Julie in the pale green

The biggest difference between the Khasis, the rest of the India and, to a certain degree, the West, is that their society is matrilineal. This should not be confused with matriarchal, though some Khasi men may see it this way.[1] In Khasi society children take the name of the mother, not the father [2] and they remain her property. When a Khasi dies, it is the youngest daughter who inherits the majority of the estate and who becomes responsible for the family; she is known as the Khadduh.[3] It is sad that this tradition is now changing as the requirements of modern life, come into conflict with tradition.

I do not want to go into too much detail about the Khasis, as there has been much written about them both during the period my ancestors were in India [4], and more recently. I will say that Khasis do not resemble other “Indians”, and I always thought that they looked like they came from China” in the photos I saw. Their appearance can be explained by the general view of their origin which is that they migrated into Shillong from Burma, and that they are related to the Mon-Khmer, however there is no definitive evidence.[5]

I cannot conclude this section without saying more about the time we spent with our Khasi relatives. We had exchanged messages on Facebook with my second cousin Diana Eleanor Kharshiing. When we met it was like we had known her for years and we were very sad to watch her funeral which was streamed online a few years ago. We thought we were just meeting Diana, but she arrived with her sister Jean (also now deceased) and the two of them took us on a tour of Shillong. We knew that Diana was the International Secretary of the Indian Scout and Guide Fellowship (as well as the General Secretary of the Meghalaya branch of the Indian Red Cross) and, with Mum and I having links to the UK Guiding Movement, we were privileged to be taken to the rehearsals for the Republic Day Parade and to be introduced to local dignitaries. 

From the parade ground we walked to the Shillong Golf Course and saw the Club House.

                                                

                         The outside and inside of the Shillong Golf Club House, taken by Andrew Benson, 2017

We concluded with a visit to the grave of Chas and Nelsie, 

                                                            Taken in Shillong, 2017

then we went on a mystery tour to try to find Nelsie Dene 1, the bungalow which Chas had built in retirement. He had actually built two and the first had been sold to a Maharajah when Chas went to spend some time in Australia. During our visit we were unable to locate the building, though after trespassing on a property we thought we had a likely candidate. On returning to the UK and comparing my uncle’s photos and old photos of the building, it seems we had seen Nelsie Dene 1 after all.

                                                Taken by Andrew Benson, 2017

                                                    Taken by Malcolm Blake, 2014

My brother was also lucky enough, in the afternoon, to be able to find the Welsh Mission Hospital, where Dad was born and to sneak inside.

                                       Both taken in 2017, top by Andrew Benson, 

                                        bottom by Chloe Benson (as Andrew is pictured)                                                                

Jenkins writes,

The Khasi Hills Presbyterian Hospital, Shillong, which opened in 1922, is one of the most impressive legacies of the Welsh. Nobody calls it by its cumbersome official title: it’s known by everyone, still, as the Roberts (after its founder) or the Welsh Mission Hospital, and folk memory is likely to keep it that way.[6]

 After a busy morning, we went back to Diana’s for lunch. We had expected a small gathering, so imagine our surprise to be met with about 40 members of our extended Khasi family. I can honestly say that it all felt really comfortable, and they did really feel like my family, although the language barrier was a little difficult. The meal we were provided with included some typical Khasi dishes, which also showed the difference between them and other people in India with pork commonly used.[7]

While it was amazing to meet members of the extended family, we were particularly privileged to meet New Viona Kharshiing, or Newby as she was known. We had heard her name mentioned by Dad, along with her sisters Molby, Tolby and Lucky, so it was such an honour to meet her. Wearing a traditional Khasi jainsem[8] and chewing betel we thought that she did not understand our conversations; we were wrong. This side of the family had also attended Dr Graham’s Homes in Kalimpong (of which more later) where they would have learned English.

In his book, Gurdon writes,

         It is believed that the spirits of the dead, whose funeral ceremonies have been duly                                performed, go to the house or garden of God, where there are groves of betel-nut trees; hence, the         expression for the departed (he who is eating betel-nut in God's house), the idea of supreme                    happiness to the Khasi being to eat betel-nut uninterruptedly.[9]

It was with great sadness that we learned of the death of Newby in 2017; this made our memories of our meeting the matriarch, and her connection to the past, even more poignant.

                                                Another photo with members of the family and Newby in the plaid

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[1] Giri, H. (1998). The Khasis under British Rule [1824-1947]; p8.

[2] Banerjee, R. (2015). ‘”Matriarchy”’ And Contemporary Khasi Society’. Proceedings of the Indian History Congress, Vol. 76, Available at: http://www.jstor.org/stable/44156662 (Accessed 19 Dec. 2025); p918.

[3] ibid, p923.

[4] Gurdon, P. R. T. (1914). The Khasis.

[5] ibid, pp.10-12.

[6] Jenkins, N. (2001). Through the Green Door: Travels among the Khasis, p284.

[7] Tham, M. (2021). The Khasi Kitchen: Home Food and Oral Traditions.

[8] To find out more go to: https://khasiconnection.in/ (Accessed 04 January 2026).

[9] Gurdon, P. R. T. (1914). The Khasis, p105.